Me

ME. no need to hide, just release it all. no blocks, no changes from one person to another. am i always cold? sad? upset? auto pilot? what to do when i just don't want to deal with people. by people u mean you. fear is part of why i cannot jsut be mad or upset, not fear of you hurting me or leaving me...no i've come to realize its the thoughts and pain that come, from no one but me, the thoughts plans, no world. only the darkness. i fear the darkness in my head. i hate the depth, how pathetic and weak pointless. no need for reason. what are the reasons of a sheltered and untested mind? i am so spoiled, so self aware and so unaware of the world, so unfeeling that each feeling is meshed and mashed in pain and joy, the utiles of my hypocrisy and joy. i am the vessel of my voyage, but that is not how i get anywhere. i want need the connections i love you i dont need you but i want you in my life i dont like the pain, but i accept it if it means i can have you, but when there is the pain, the knowledge that i cant understand you cuz i am not around you, you start to have the doubts, and so forth, then is the beginning. the beginning of the end. i dont want that. please, let us both give in just once, say that it was legitimate, a real worry, both of us are to blame and that you will work with me to work through it.