Now the title might have you thinking this is economics-related. Sorry, just a poem.
What is the cost
of the love I have lost?
Is it the disguised opportunity
of a man, newly free?
Or is it truly a failed test,
a "...so I'm depressed."
Each chance I had to win her over,
or at least a little closer,
the words would fall out of place
or not come out right just like right here.
And when all was set, just like rehearsed,
something would not fit the verse.
Don't get me wrong, I told her one day.
She also said the perfect thing to say.
She didn't dis me or tell me how she felt.
It just wasn't a good play with the hands we were dealt.
So, did I pay dearly for my lofty love?
Or was it a good deal, considering I can now rise above?
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Diary Entries from Freshman Year #8
3/29/10
Yes, I skipped a day. Which, in essence, is like skipping two days.
~
The rest is undecipherable. And the rest is math notes and occasional blips. Here's one to Victoria, back when I had a crush on her:
To the unsympathetic
ear it might seem lame
And I agree its pathetic,
these feelings I can't tame.
But with Spring flourished this feeling
of a crush but not crushing:
A hurt without want of healing
and a heart with blood rushing.
Why is it called a crush?
When I fell light and in love
I love the euphoria, the rush,
the pairing of unerring doves.
Already she was depressed with me
Though not by my doing
And it made me a little happy-
Bringing 'perfection' to ruin.
But I don't want perfect!
I want whatever she is
and regardless of what defect
it might have, that love is my bliss.
~
and one more, but I'd rather not share it. The rest is scratch work. Thats it for now!
Yes, I skipped a day. Which, in essence, is like skipping two days.
~
The rest is undecipherable. And the rest is math notes and occasional blips. Here's one to Victoria, back when I had a crush on her:
To the unsympathetic
ear it might seem lame
And I agree its pathetic,
these feelings I can't tame.
But with Spring flourished this feeling
of a crush but not crushing:
A hurt without want of healing
and a heart with blood rushing.
Why is it called a crush?
When I fell light and in love
I love the euphoria, the rush,
the pairing of unerring doves.
Already she was depressed with me
Though not by my doing
And it made me a little happy-
Bringing 'perfection' to ruin.
But I don't want perfect!
I want whatever she is
and regardless of what defect
it might have, that love is my bliss.
~
and one more, but I'd rather not share it. The rest is scratch work. Thats it for now!
Diary Entries from Freshman Year #7
3/27/10
This day-of-no-plans was crammed. In a relaxing way, of course. Talking of courses, we started with a brunch at Crystal Cove, a place I would enjoy with more friends this summer. For today, I had a Mexican-influenced breakfast featuring an egg sunny side up, tortilla strips, filet mignon and a host of smaller particulars. Aunt Ann, the birthday girl, shared a generous amount of her macadamia nut pancakes with coconut syrup (made at Beachcomber's). After dining, I gingerly walked in the waves and, just ass I felt ready to swim, walked back up the shore. We visited Roger Gardens and then I drove from home to THS. After dropping Timmy's racket off along with the sports shorts I was going to wear, I took the first steps to coaching: getting the hurdlers out of the shade and running the track and the a few hurdles. Giovanni: I can coach, but I will leave the injured Kelvin to his own devices.
For next week: Monday is just running laps. Tues or Thurs will be block starts only. Wednesday will be half 110s, half sprints. The other T-day is open but should be a relatively restful day. Friday should be distance or at least running laps. I have to figure out when I can leave UCI and what time. It may well be too busy a quarter to take coaching too.
~
Coaching couldn't happen, because. prophetically, it was a busy quarter.
This day-of-no-plans was crammed. In a relaxing way, of course. Talking of courses, we started with a brunch at Crystal Cove, a place I would enjoy with more friends this summer. For today, I had a Mexican-influenced breakfast featuring an egg sunny side up, tortilla strips, filet mignon and a host of smaller particulars. Aunt Ann, the birthday girl, shared a generous amount of her macadamia nut pancakes with coconut syrup (made at Beachcomber's). After dining, I gingerly walked in the waves and, just ass I felt ready to swim, walked back up the shore. We visited Roger Gardens and then I drove from home to THS. After dropping Timmy's racket off along with the sports shorts I was going to wear, I took the first steps to coaching: getting the hurdlers out of the shade and running the track and the a few hurdles. Giovanni: I can coach, but I will leave the injured Kelvin to his own devices.
For next week: Monday is just running laps. Tues or Thurs will be block starts only. Wednesday will be half 110s, half sprints. The other T-day is open but should be a relatively restful day. Friday should be distance or at least running laps. I have to figure out when I can leave UCI and what time. It may well be too busy a quarter to take coaching too.
~
Coaching couldn't happen, because. prophetically, it was a busy quarter.
Diary Entries from Freshman Year #6
3/26/10
Fred Fred Burger Fred Fred Burger Fred Fred Burger! I can spell my name! Fred, F-R-E-D-F-R-E-D-B...U...R... ... ... ...GER! Fred Fred Burger!
Well...mostly was preparing for school next week. You know...put in three calendar'r reading assignments, then not look at them and asking my peers what I'm supposed to read and by when instead.
But I did go to Tustin's track meet, the first they put on and second that I've attended this year. For once we had more people helping than needed; regarless I whole-heartedly became keeper of the hurdles. Okay, I make it sound grander than it is, but I did move them from W110 H to M110, then made manifest the migration of fleets for the 300s. And I was responsible for a great deal of the clean-up process.
I think I should be in Hurdles coach. I have little experience, a lot of ambition, and enough guts and time to make it happen. But little is certain.
After the Track Meet, we went to Pake and Beppe's. We greeted the Colorado-based Wassenaars, ate pizza, soda, and for some some beer. We all enjoyed the family time. Possibly the highlight was meeting Matt's girlfriend and questioning her, a pleasant and potential-full girl.
~
Her name is Rachel. Matt is Randy's friend.
Fred Fred Burger Fred Fred Burger Fred Fred Burger! I can spell my name! Fred, F-R-E-D-F-R-E-D-B...U...R... ... ... ...GER! Fred Fred Burger!
Well...mostly was preparing for school next week. You know...put in three calendar'r reading assignments, then not look at them and asking my peers what I'm supposed to read and by when instead.
But I did go to Tustin's track meet, the first they put on and second that I've attended this year. For once we had more people helping than needed; regarless I whole-heartedly became keeper of the hurdles. Okay, I make it sound grander than it is, but I did move them from W110 H to M110, then made manifest the migration of fleets for the 300s. And I was responsible for a great deal of the clean-up process.
I think I should be in Hurdles coach. I have little experience, a lot of ambition, and enough guts and time to make it happen. But little is certain.
After the Track Meet, we went to Pake and Beppe's. We greeted the Colorado-based Wassenaars, ate pizza, soda, and for some some beer. We all enjoyed the family time. Possibly the highlight was meeting Matt's girlfriend and questioning her, a pleasant and potential-full girl.
~
Her name is Rachel. Matt is Randy's friend.
Diary Entries from Freshman Year #5
3/25/10
Nothing compares to pulling into the Target parking lot singing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gayner with Urian. I have a recording of it on my cell, I'll have to see if it turned out any good. Why Target? To lament the loss of the electric section (its going to be a produce section) and get Marianne and Urian's dad presents for their respective birthdays. Of course this followed our exercising time, held at the same tennis court as the previous tennis match, only this time for two hours. Surprisingly, we were doing well for a good deal of time. Paulina called, apparently wanting a repeat of the conversation held on Tuesday. I'd rather not talk too much with her; I haven't needed my stress stone in a while.
Also something of tragic note: Jessie was bit one her walk with mom and dad. She should be fine, but it was alarming and might dissuade Jessie from being so eager for her walks. Doubtful.
About Marianne's party: It IS on Saturday. Apparently Urian is going to sing "Its Raining Men." I think I will just wing-it: either choose not to sing or choose one I know once I'm at the place. Time to do what Wassenaar's do best!
~
like post post script in the diary? starting to become more active that spring break... makes me feel I should be more active now...
Nothing compares to pulling into the Target parking lot singing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gayner with Urian. I have a recording of it on my cell, I'll have to see if it turned out any good. Why Target? To lament the loss of the electric section (its going to be a produce section) and get Marianne and Urian's dad presents for their respective birthdays. Of course this followed our exercising time, held at the same tennis court as the previous tennis match, only this time for two hours. Surprisingly, we were doing well for a good deal of time. Paulina called, apparently wanting a repeat of the conversation held on Tuesday. I'd rather not talk too much with her; I haven't needed my stress stone in a while.
Also something of tragic note: Jessie was bit one her walk with mom and dad. She should be fine, but it was alarming and might dissuade Jessie from being so eager for her walks. Doubtful.
About Marianne's party: It IS on Saturday. Apparently Urian is going to sing "Its Raining Men." I think I will just wing-it: either choose not to sing or choose one I know once I'm at the place. Time to do what Wassenaar's do best!
~
like post post script in the diary? starting to become more active that spring break... makes me feel I should be more active now...
Diary Entries from Freshman Year #4
3/24/10
Probably the most interesting thing that happened yesterday was a viewing of "Seven Samurai" by my choice at about 7:00. I had to record the end though, because Timmy has school today. Its pretty cool: a '54 Japanese (subbed in English) black and white with colorful language but also occasional thoughtful lines, scenes, and actions. Regardless of the stereotypical content, I was content to watch it for its compelling vitality, even ad a 55 year old movie.
I also, working backwards, went to the gym with Vijay and drove to get the haircut that was pretty much everything I wanted in a haircut: almost the same length, but less heavy. (In other words I paid $30 for a lot of styling and a lot of 'spin' on what was occurring.) But that's all good because I didn't know what I want, just what I didn't want: too short or too dramatic a change. I wonder if I could apply the same concept to the major dilemma? Which is of course which major do I want to pursue and, more distantly and importantly, what job will I pursue? I like how I word it as my job as opposed to more economically (in what service or to what firm will I sell my labor) or socially (how will I contribute back to the society that I grew up in). Its more political this way.
~
Sorry.
Probably the most interesting thing that happened yesterday was a viewing of "Seven Samurai" by my choice at about 7:00. I had to record the end though, because Timmy has school today. Its pretty cool: a '54 Japanese (subbed in English) black and white with colorful language but also occasional thoughtful lines, scenes, and actions. Regardless of the stereotypical content, I was content to watch it for its compelling vitality, even ad a 55 year old movie.
I also, working backwards, went to the gym with Vijay and drove to get the haircut that was pretty much everything I wanted in a haircut: almost the same length, but less heavy. (In other words I paid $30 for a lot of styling and a lot of 'spin' on what was occurring.) But that's all good because I didn't know what I want, just what I didn't want: too short or too dramatic a change. I wonder if I could apply the same concept to the major dilemma? Which is of course which major do I want to pursue and, more distantly and importantly, what job will I pursue? I like how I word it as my job as opposed to more economically (in what service or to what firm will I sell my labor) or socially (how will I contribute back to the society that I grew up in). Its more political this way.
~
Sorry.
Diary Entries from Freshman Year #3
03-23-10
Yesterday, I played Metroid Prime. The day was focused around exercising with Urian, which actually turned out much differently than what either of us would have predicted. I did not read the book Mom left out for me to read, only because how much I wanted to just about equaled how much I wanted to do something else. But back to exercising. We biked to Tustin Sports Park, started playing tennis, and were doing rather well. Some guy approached us, asked if we could help him move his car to the nearest (downhill) gas station. Apprehensively, we agreed, put our bikes and rackets in his car, and pushed the car down the hill, through a left-turn and into the Shell gas station. I accidentally broke his taillight and judging by how little gas he put in, he won't be getting a new one, but it still felt good to do something nice. My bad, random dude, thanks for the workout!
~
One of the more telling stories, I think. Urian didn't know I broke the taillight until he read this, he went a step beyond me in pushing, and then giving him some change so he had an even $5 to put in for gas. The guy also dropped his cell phone, twice, once during the left-hand turn, and once near the curb.
Yesterday, I played Metroid Prime. The day was focused around exercising with Urian, which actually turned out much differently than what either of us would have predicted. I did not read the book Mom left out for me to read, only because how much I wanted to just about equaled how much I wanted to do something else. But back to exercising. We biked to Tustin Sports Park, started playing tennis, and were doing rather well. Some guy approached us, asked if we could help him move his car to the nearest (downhill) gas station. Apprehensively, we agreed, put our bikes and rackets in his car, and pushed the car down the hill, through a left-turn and into the Shell gas station. I accidentally broke his taillight and judging by how little gas he put in, he won't be getting a new one, but it still felt good to do something nice. My bad, random dude, thanks for the workout!
~
One of the more telling stories, I think. Urian didn't know I broke the taillight until he read this, he went a step beyond me in pushing, and then giving him some change so he had an even $5 to put in for gas. The guy also dropped his cell phone, twice, once during the left-hand turn, and once near the curb.
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